Friday, June 15, 2007

Getting up was easy enough

Getting up was easy enough
until I realized I had to move on.

I'd go,
stopping only to mark the miles
with words scribbled with a naked fingertip on
dusty windowpanes, wondering
where everyone else went when they moved on.

Then without realizing it, late
as usual and completely unawares,
I arrived.


The Tbones said...

Actually, this is probably my least, or one of my least favorite of yours. To me, being the great poem critic that I am, it just doesn't seem to flow.


perhaps it's just because I read yours immediately following Richard's.

Innommable said...

I was tired of arranging and rearranging, and rewording... I just posted it in "draft" form.

Innommable said...

Okay. Inspiration at 3AM... This is the final version (I think!), so WHAT do y'all think?

the tbones said...

i like it a lot better! i give it the endorsement of the national poetry society. i'm not just the president; i'm a member too.

Innommable said...

Awww... THANKS the T!

Ergo said...

I wished you had explored more the part "wondering where everyone went when they moved on" because it is such a characteristic thing to say, "Oh, I've moved on." Or "We've moved on."

And exactly where have they "moved on" to?? Something like...

"Wondering where everyone went when they moved on

And without realizing it, late as usual, I arrived

Somewhere between bliss and indifference

And there you were--

I see,

We had moved on."

Innommable said...

I thought it would work well to leave the reader to consider this nebulous place where people go when they move on, but you're right, I could have given it a somewhat abstract description, as you did.

I see you interpreted the ending differently than I meant it to be understood. I can see why. In this poem, the speaker arrives at the place where everyone goes once they've moved on, and finds a NEW love waiting for him. :-)

Ergo said...

why nothing new?

Innommable said...

Oh... uh... because... um... ya know. I'm lazy.

In spanish, a lazy guy is called HUEVĂ“N. That means he has huge HUEVOS that don't allow him to get up.

I'm not saying I have huge ones, but, well... you get the idea.

I have lots that I've started, but nothing finished.

the tbones said...

too much felching i think